Meet Blueberry, Bubblegum, Brynne (yellow) and Autumn (aqua).
Those are the "babies". As much as there is love for trucks and trains and all things "boy", Lil D loves his babies. They are part of his daily life. Sometimes I just feel surrounded by "Everything Baby". At Shaw's yesterday he said "Mommy I really like coming here shopping because we get to see all the babies [real ones]" . When he is leaving preschool, he always has to stop by the blue room to wave good bye to all the babies. Or it was this morning "Mommy, I want to paint a picture with a garbage truck but I need Coochie and Coo in the picture too". Coochie and Coo are from Rolie Polie Olie. They are pretty cute I must say. Luckily I was able to use MS Paintbrush and create a little picture for him to paint.
After he is on his kick about the babies, I usually get asked when we are going to get a baby. He keeps telling me God is working on one for him. I have to remind him that sometimes children are meant to be only children, just one, but he never accepts that. He has hope and a little part of me sometimes has the hope too.
Whether it is looking at baby pictures, finding a baby blanket that was folded in with the towels, going thru maternity clothes because I need room in my closet, finding a diaper bag in with all my purses and deciding to hold onto it, thinking of what day it is in my cycle...I feel like I think about babies everyday too. I read alot of infertility blogs and it seems to go in cycles. A lot of new babies this month, scrunched up wrinkly new little babies.
Lately I have been craving that feeling of holding and feeding a new baby. I think about what it would be like to have Lil D running around playing and having a baby in the house too, sitting with me while I watch him play. Lil D is so independent, getting further and further away from preschool age, not to mention so far from being a baby or toddler. I loved when all he needed to be comforted was a clean diaper and a warm bottle fed to him. Being 3 going on 4 is a whole different chapter. The baby part of his life seemed to have flown by in a blink.
Alot of the infertility forums and blogs I read are usually first time parents or want to be parents. I haven't come across many that have the secondary infertility issues. It is a weird limbo to be in. On one hand, you are blessed with one and are forever grateful that you have him/her in your life, but you also want to add onto your family. It is pretty darn discouraging when you just want to have one more but it just isn't happening. It makes you challenge your spiritual beliefs, your faith, your body. I find that is best too, but very hard, not to listen to comments of others not in the same situation. I finally decided this past summer and spring to get rid of all the baby gear, equipment and clothes, etc that was hanging around the house. The constant reminders. It felt good to get rid of it. I held onto a few sentimental things, but like I said, if I clean deeper in my closet or basement, I find more "stuff".
When I was cleaning my closet today, I noticed how many maternity tops I still have. The basically look the same as all the other empire waist stuff. I really have to go thru that stuff this week and make a decision what to do with them. And of course, like everything else, we have so much...too many clothes, too many toys, etc. That is my goal from now until the end of the year is to finish the big closet project of 2008, and get rid of the rest of the clutter. I think it will be good physically and mentally.
And for sentimental purposes... here is our squishy cute bundle of joy....almost 4 years ago.